STRANGE TIMES

I got involved in a rather disturbing string of emails involving my cousin, Jake the Hammer, and my Art Director Philistine. Rather than edit what could be earth-shattering information I shall endeavor to present it as it unfolded. I sure am glad I got people like this in my life.

Draw a couple double espressos, spin the tune, and hang on:





Philistine,

I been figgerin’. Night shift’ll do that to a man, set him to figgerin’.
 

As ya know, or ought to, FMI is the biggest copper miner in the universe. Least that’s what they tell us when they gather us all together for one a them safety lunches – cold enchilada casserole and keychain flashlights and mesh-back caps. Or a t shirt made in some country, I didn’t even know they had countries, some a them places.

Anyhoo, the Climax Mine is up there in Henderson CO, about 13,000 feet above the ocean. I guy I was talkin’ to, worked up there as a snowplow driver, a year round job the way he sez it, and he sez that part a his route, he calls it root, was to plow a road that ended smack up agin a rock face. He sez he saw tire tracks and such, but they stopped right at the face. Wish’t I may never!

Then I got to rememberin’ there’s this official atomical clock that the gummint has, accurate to one millionth of a second a month, that they got comin’ from a satellite that’s buried in the mountain somewhere in Colorado, and it beams out the time, I guess even goes down to folks’s houses ifn they clock is slow; I dunno how that part works but I guess if they can put flags up on the moon they can time a clock.

So I got to wonderin’ how that works if the thing, probably don’t look like a clock, more like a sputnick er somethin’, ifn it’s buried up there in the mountains at 12 thousand feet, mebbe the cave is 6 er 7 thousand feet deep, why that’d put it about the elevation I live at every day. You do the math. I hadda ask the missus on that one, I never carried the twos and all like that. Be like havin’ the thing in my back yard although my dogs wouldn’t set too kindly to that, mess up their bird patrol. The little un, Biscuit, the missus was gonna call him Muffin but I sez uh uh that’s fer a girl dog, not this lil fella, so Biscuit it was. He gets a bird er two every week, jes like clockwork … saay, clocks, uh? And they wouldn’t want no atomical anything settin’ there in their kill zone.

Which brings me ‘round Robin Hood’s barn to the question I’m havin’, which is when every day as I get off shift and I’m comin’ home and at a certain time the sun shines right in my eyes as I’m drivin’ but that don’t concern me none, I been drivin’ that root ever’ day and besides there’s not much cars out at that time, but I’m driftin’, so I been noticin’ that the sun ain’t comin’ up at the same time ever’ day like it’s supposed to, it looks like it’s fast gettin’ a start, and how come the atomical clock can slice up the seconds pretty fine but old Sol cain’t git it?

Are we sufferin’ from some kinda solar speedin’ er somethin’? Mebbe all them storms they got up there on the sun is speedin’ the thing up some and cain’t we fix it with that atomical clock? You bein’ a fella with some learnin’ (even though you keep it pretty close under yer hat), you might shed some light on my perplexion. Jes’ figgerin’.

Jake
You don’t know where the itch is until you scratch it with your own hand.

 (I ain’t really itchin’, I reckoned it sounds more perfessional ifn I stick things at the end of my epistles) I hain’t been lousy in years since I quit layin’ down with gals that had more troubles than me.

To which Philistine responded:

Jake,

One would have to measure the rate of solar advance and extrapolate that over time to determine if man has anything to do with this new solar earlyness. By your report it seems that the sun is rising early, by probably only a minute or two (or you'd really notice one day is light, the next complete darkness). So if the sun rises earlier by a minute or two each day, then in half a year (180 days) the sun would be rising as early as 2 or 3:30 am. In another year, the sun won't rise at all. This is some serious earth changes you have noticed!

Now, the police and government will never admit to this due to any number of factors:

a) could be the oil companies, and we know how they own Congress and every research university on the planet, so don't believe anything you hear from congress or a university about this;

 

b) could be space aliens trying to put us into some kind of hibernation so they can harvest our flesh easier, and we all know aliens have been running the show since Roswell. That was an invasion, not a crash. (it only takes one alien ship to invade earth, they are powerful beings);

 

c) or the UN has a poverty modification program that involves slowing down the day in productive countries so that poor countries can catch up.

I think we should be getting this information out in every way available. Don't bother with the news, Congress, or the police. Go straight to You Tube with this, twitter and tweet and facebook it; it will stand out on its merits and will sweep the world with truth.

 

Jake comes back with:

P,

I think as to how it is all a them rolled in to one. I can see the strands connectin’ them all up: them aliens, the ones that flied here, not the ones came up in a beater Chevy, they is controlling the oil companies and the UN all at once, with the validation supplied by the puppet guvvermint what has been in place ever since Truman left office, which is at the time of the Roswell incident. You think he left office on his own? Er, maybe he got horse-headed into it.

I got some more disturbing facts which I been collectin’, which is that same old sun what has been startin’ up earlier is also quittin’ later. That’s right, what I said, later and later ever’ day. Acherly I noticed this strangeness last year but I put it off to I’m tired or not watchin’ my clock close enough. There just ain’t no reason why the sun oughta be risin’ and settin’ at different times ever’ day, 'cept what you been sayin’ about a b and c. 

 

Down in my heart I know what I gotta do, which is bypass yootoob altogether, they is controlled as well. I got to get this info out by way a the Spillers of Soup. They has always been champions of Truth, Justice, and the Sword mightier than any pen man has ever invented. Let the chips fall where they may, and if’n you don’t hear from me after that, you’ll know what happened.

 

Not to be outdone, in a final word kinda way, Philistine responds:

Jake,

I have also noticed something similar on a daily basis, and it goes like this:

When I get up at 6 or 7 am it's always 50 or 60 degrees outside. It slowly warms until around midday. Fortunately some kind of natural heat-abatement, perhaps related to your "sun goes down later" observation, makes this process reverse before nightfall. If you think about it real hard, what would happen if this natural process of heat abatement was somehow interrupted by man made activities? After all, it's definitely man made warming from 7 am until 2pm... so what if the natural cooling was somehow replaced by even more man made warming? By midnight it would be hot enough to bake cookies on your porch in open air! This is a serious issue relating to the natural balance of the planet, which is obviously very tenuous.