Sunday, February 21, 2016


However bitter may be the cup which our Heavenly Father gives us, it will in the end overflow with blessings rich, abounding, and eternal.

I have cancer. Multiple Myeloma to be precise. It is a blood cancer and is found in bone marrow. All of my bones. There is no "cure" for it; it cannot be totally eradicated like some other cancers. Breast cancer, prostate, bladder, thyroid all can be treated with a combination of surgery and radiation therapy.

I am not so fortunate. The best course of treatment is with chemotherapy. The goal is to reduce the cancer to a small amount held in remission. Sooner or later the chemo becomes ineffective as the cancer cells develop immunity. At that time a different regimen of chemo is applied. Sooner or later there will be no chemo that will be effective and the cancer will progress.

It's the sooner now, ran out of later.
When I first started medical treatment for my cancer the prognosis* went from two, three, five years up to ten or fifteen years. Now the Chemo options have just about run their course. The medicine is having less and less an effect on the cancer. My kidneys, I am on dialysis, will get to a point where they cannot be revived. My bones will erode like, well think osteoporosis. the least little bump may break something. 

*My oncologist said to me in an eye to eye contact: Charlie, start thinking in terms of months.

 Based on that we are making more effort to get the missus into assisted living. She needs it for her dementia and will want to be set up for my sooner rather than later demise. It would not do to have her wake up one morning and find me dead on the floor; put her on cruise control and chas, take care of business as much as possible to gather up loose ends. Her family will help and step in when needed. Until then I … think in terms of months.
The Holy Spirit is with me in my time of trouble.

I have come to accept that as my fate. I admit to being afraid, and angry, and sad but I am at peace with God's will for me. if this be my fate, it is God's will, not mine, and I accept it. I will not lay on the couch whimpering or behave with a negative attitude. The following passage of scripture tells of Jesus entering the garden of Gethsemane to talk with His father, God. It reveals Jesus' thoughts and feelings of what is to become of Him the next day — the crucifixion — and how Jesus accepts God's will for him.

The Garden of Gethsemane      Matthew 26: 36 - 46

36 Then came Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and said unto the disciples, Sit you here, while I go and pray yonder.

37 And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very distressed.

38Then said he unto them, My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even unto death: tarry you here, and watch with me.

39 And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as you will.

40 And he came unto the disciples, and found them asleep, and said unto Peter, What, could you not watch with me one hour?

41 Watch and pray, that you enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, your will be done.

43 And he came and found them asleep again: for their eyes were heavy.

44 And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.

45 Then came he to his disciples, and said unto them, Sleep on now, and take your rest: behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.

46 Rise, let us be going: behold, he is at hand that does betray me.

 He moved "a stone's throw away" from them, where He felt overwhelming sadness and anguish, and said "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass me by. Nevertheless, let it be as you, not I, would have it." Then, a little while later, He said, "If this cup cannot pass by, but I must drink it, your will be done!" (Matthew 26:42).


Anonymous said...

I am sorry to learn of your diagnosis. Please know you are now in my prayers and will remain there. I wish you all the best that can possibly be.

Anonymous said...

Words often fall short of what one feels when receiving news such as this. I can only guess at what runs thru someone's mind but do know that even from a distance as I have read your blog you will be all that you can as you rage at the coming dusk. You will be embraced by the light when that day comes. I pray that the coming days will be the best that can be considering.

chasmatic said...

Thank you both for your prayers and considerations. Yes, God's Will, not mine be done. It has shifted my POV, I'll tell you. Not getting upset about small stuff — spinning my wheels — and taking what joy I find in otherwise unnoticed things. I reckon I have not been grateful for all He has done for me.

Prayer does help.

show me one socialist success in world history said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gwen said...

Your writing and your comments on American Digest have given me
such pleasure. My heart goes out to you and your family. I wish you
were here in Georgia so that we might be of some help. I will be keeping you in my prayers. May God bless you and comfort you and send you the best of days.


David Spence said...

My prayers are with you also. I love your blog and found you through American Digest also. Being a John Hiatt fan makes your site an additional treasure. God bless you and comfort you!

chasmatic said...

Thank you, gentle readers for the kind words and prayers. Chas

Anonymous said...

"I reckon I have not been grateful for all He has done for me."

That's one of His gifts, Chas. His love is gratis. You can thank Him in Person. Tell Him I'll be along soon enough. And don't drink ALL the beer.

Unknown said...

Praying for you brother. Were you exposed to Agent Orange? I think there's a connection.

Roy Patterson said...

I'm laying here in bed, propped up, trying to force down one last "yummy" Ensure high calorie drink before I go to sleep. I've got my laptop going, checking out favorite websites, and I came across a blog, Spillers of Soup, that I had not checked out before.
First off, anybody that posts a picture of The Good Soldier Schweik (sp?) is alright in my book! Second, your sharing about your cancer struck a chord with me, since I was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagaus about two months ago. I finished up five weeks of chemo, and only have two more radiation sessions to go, to finish about seven weeks of radiation...
I am a wreck.... appetite and eating flew out the window weeks ago, I depend on a stomach feeding tube and those cans of Ensure to at least get a few calories in....
May the Lord bless you and keep you, may He give you you minister to your wife, as you live out your days.... Roy Patterson San Jose, Ca.

Charles Harrell said...

Thinking of you, my internet friend, and hoping you are dealing with it in you usual "hell with it" fashion. Miss your intermittent posts. Hang in there!

David Spence said...


Anonymous said...


Joan of Argghh! said...

Godspeed, Chas.

You are missed, and will be missed. Prayers for your family and your bride.

Anonymous said...

I am saddened for us left behind, family and friends and those of us who grew to know you via this site. Sharing your life as you lived it was a gift to us all. RIP and Godspeed

Anonymous said...

I've enjoyed your stories, Chas, and am inspired and humbled by your spirit. God bless, brother.

mark sehgal said...

Amazing post